For years, I have had a habit of speaking terribly to myself.

I have called myself stupid. I have called myself ugly. I have told myself that I couldn’t do anything right. There have even been times when I have looked at myself and said, “I hate you.”

Those words are painful to admit. But they are the truth.

Years ago, a therapist asked me a question I have never forgotten.

She asked me if I would say those same things to a young child.

My answer was immediate.

“Absolutely not.”

I couldn’t imagine looking at a little girl and telling her she was stupid or ugly. I would never tell her that she wasn’t good enough or that I hated her.

Then my therapist asked me something that completely stopped me in my tracks.

“If little Katrina were standing in front of you, would you say those things to her?”

No. Never.

She explained the idea of the inner child – that we all carry a younger version of ourselves inside us. A part of us that still remembers, still feels, and still needs love and reassurance.

She asked me what age I pictured when I thought about little Katrina.

I saw a little girl around five or six years old.

When I picture her, I see a beautiful little girl in a girly dress. Her hair is so pretty and pinned back. She has a big smile, and I can almost hear her giggle.

She is so sweet.

She is so full of love.

Little Katrina—beautiful, joyful, and so full of love.

I would never look into that precious little girl’s face and call her ugly. I would never tell her she was stupid. I would never make her believe she was worthless or that she didn’t matter.

The thought of anyone speaking to her that way breaks my heart.

But somehow, those are the very things I have said to myself.

Even after that conversation with my therapist, I didn’t suddenly stop criticizing myself. I wish I could say I did. But I still fall into that habit. I still say things to myself that I would never say to another person—especially a child.

This is something I am still struggling with and still learning.

Right now, I’m not ready to sit down and talk to my inner child—to little Katrina. Even thinking about it brings tears to my eyes. It touches a place inside me that is still very tender.

Maybe you understand that feeling.

Maybe looking back at the child you once were brings up emotions you aren’t ready to face yet. Maybe there are words you wish someone had said to you, love you needed but didn’t receive, or painful things you still don’t know how to talk about.

You don’t have to force yourself.

Healing doesn’t always begin with having all the right words. Sometimes it begins with simply noticing how we speak to ourselves.

Maybe it begins with stopping for a moment and asking:

Would I say this to the little girl I once was?

Would I call her stupid because she made a mistake?

Would I call her ugly because she didn’t like what she saw in the mirror?

Would I tell her she was a failure because her life didn’t turn out the way she planned?

Or would I sit beside her?

Would I remind her that one mistake cannot take away her worth?

Would I tell her that she is beautiful, important, and deeply loved?

I’m not ready to have that conversation with little Katrina yet. I’m being honest about that.

But I can begin somewhere smaller.

I can begin by remembering that she is still part of me. I can try to pause before I speak cruelly to myself. I can remind myself that the woman I am today deserves the same gentleness I would give that beautiful little girl.

Maybe loving her—and loving myself—starts there.

Not with a perfect healing moment.

Not with pretending the pain is gone.

Just with one less cruel word.

One gentler thought.

One moment of remembering that the little girl I used to be is still worthy of love.

And so am I.

And so are you.

Love,
Katrina ❤️